Letter of Resignation

One of my friend called me a couple of days back and asked me to write a resignation letter for him. He works for an Apparel Company that procures orders from American and European labels and mass produces here in India. He was pretty pissed after having put 5 years of hard work and is terribly disgruntled in terms of self-gratification achieved. However, the resignation letter he asked me was not supposed to look anything like the one I wrote for him (below), instead, was to be a nicely worded polite, official one.

For those who are not familiar with the functions of Garment Export Industry, here’s a quick overview to better figure out certain technicalities mentioned in the letter.

Ø Buyers are clients or International labels that source garments from Asian countries and sell it in their markets, usually, the developed world for ludicrously high prices.
Ø Ship Cancel dates are dates by which an certain order quantity has to be put in a ship to sail out, failing which, the buyer will claim the goods in huge discounts that usually dries up all profits.
Ø Quality is closely scrutinized and borders around harassment leaving us too stressed out to meet deliveries, which usually is touch and go.
Ø Quality control guys are mercenaries who are trained to reject everything the 1st time around. In some countries, it is legal to kill them.


Letter of Resignation

Dear Whoever

This January 5th, I would have completed 5 years at this organization. I must mention right away that these 5 years has been glorious in terms of what was learnt and achieved and how far more educated I am from the day I started.

What I have learnt in this course of time will, no doubt help me deal with some extra ordinary types of assholes in the future company I might work for, there are also some pearls of wisdom that I cannot help but point out, such as:

Garment manufacturing is a glorified tailoring business.

No matter how hard you try, the jerks we call buyer and to whom we swore a lifelong servitude, is harder to please than a whore on discount.

The friggin series of matching - thread, color, fabric, buttons, zippers, vomit etc that we do so religiously everyday, only fuels the audacity to exercise their power to reject as though the end consumer will commit suicide if the buttons were fucking plastic or metal or made of cowdung and has the color of an octopus's fart!

If the shipment does not meet the agreed Ship Cancel Date, large communities of anxious consumers will shoot each other in mental delirium or die of starvation, that’s how Africa as we know it now, was born.

Having said the above, I must also add that my personal life is in shambles. There used to be times when I used to dream of beaches and semi nude bodies and wake up with a purpose. Now, I am a hopeless insomniac, a drunk, and dream of calendars with morbid dates circled in Red.

In hindsight, there is not much pride to take to my grave, and as I look forward, the promise is as good as 2 litres of pee in a punctured balloon. If you think am disillusioned and need a shrink, you are right, I am on my way to the asylum but not before I introduce you to a mad dog with herpes that specializes in biting off genitals.

Therefore, to preserve my fast depleting sanity and to restore LIFE into the days I live, I Quit.

Yours Truly

P.S: My friend liked it so much that he submitted this to his boss!