Sunday, November 27, 2005

Shoot 'em, Stinky Pigs!

Personal hygiene is something that most people still know nothing of. Their understanding level is turned down to “non-existent” when you try telling them with subtle innuendos. Its like trying to make an oyster understand Quantum Physics.

There are these guys who don’t wash up after a lunch that consist of a whole buffalo deep fried while it was still standing because “It will remove the taste of the food they ate!!”
Aaarrrgh!!! These are the kinds surgeons use sometimes when they run out of Anesthetics.

“Alright Jim, we are ready, you can tell him the joke now” …and…
“….I told you to make it short Jim, you gave him an overdose, Damn!”

Then there are these that have bad body odor that will come before the person arrives. There is this pretty thing in my office who has never heard of a concept called deodorant. On a good day, one can actually see the compost smelling fumes rising from the armpits racing randomly towards unsuspecting nostrils that sometimes induces even epilepsy. My job profile involves a lot of interaction with this person, who although being my sub-ordinate, finds me terribly scared of her. The truth is, I am indeed, but on a scale not many humans can fathom. My alarm indicator is set at, “Yyyeeeeeoooowwww” when our meetings draw close.

The final kinds are the ones that are exceptionally poor at laundry. Shirts and trousers with a whole civilization of advance, healthy, gun-toting microbes with harpoons to throw at passers by to expand their colonies. Sometimes they are bigger than microscopes and actually get down their hosts to do some shopping. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Dept of Defense and Biological Warfare conduct secret raids in their apartments while they are at work, taking spore samples to do researches to find new ways of attacking the enemy. Packing these guys off with their clothes to enemy territory would be a great idea, I say. Alongwith the above mentioned, ofcourse.
Wonder how their houses will be??

“Bob, how come you are washing your underwear, its not Christmas yet?”
“Darth, you see, if it were only the skid marks I would have waited, but there’s a whole colony of bacteria that has started making conversations with me, they even offered to pay rent!”

I urge the Constitution of India to adopt new legislations to make it mandatory for all to strictly follow basic human hygiene so as to not put his fellow being in discomfort.
Also, Guns should be legalized.

P.S: To all those Non-Indians who read this, the above is not a researched piece of evidence generalizing Indians about poor personal hygiene., but only a jestful tirade. Poor personal hygiene is found in sections of every society in every country and will continue to be found as long as every country in this world has citizens with a fully functioning nose on their faces. Visible Boogers are a different story altogether!


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