Wednesday, May 25, 2005

News From The Future:

First Olympics in Moon Goes Awry.

In Detail:
61 athletes from 23 countries are missing in action. They never landed after participating in their respective sporting events such as, High Jump, Long Jump and Pole Vault. Hubble space telescope has picked up 14 of them orbiting Jupiter while the rest have turned into space debris, it is believed.

Meanwhile at Earth, fishermen in Alaska lost their front rows of tooth when mysterious objects that looked like shot puts and discus crashed into them from the skies, apparently.

That apart, tension in the Middle East rose to unprecedented levels when 3 javelins killed 2 goats and one potential suicide bomber while they were reportedly having a threesome. The Hamas blamed the Israelis for initiating unprovoked violence and has vowed to take revenge, while the Mossad has secretly convened an emergency meeting with security heads and the CIA, at an undisclosed location, to laugh their heads off.

Equestrian Horses refused to come down after prancing and its riders are still suspended in comical animation.

In an interesting move, for the first time in Human history in a daring effort, the Pakistani Hockey team was tied around a few ballistic missiles (made in China) and launched to the Moon to participate, which was promptly shot down by the Indian Armed Forces. This has dramatically increased India’s chances of winning the Olympics Gold in this event, but hey wait a minute, where’s the team?
Just received news confirms that flatulence has caused the Indian team to self propel uncontrollably into space into an inevitable collision course with basically nothing and the Indian government seemed to be relieved.

Meanwhile, generally, alien abductions seem to be on the rise worldwide. In Thailand, aliens are sold as tourist souvenirs and sometimes even as replacement for chicken meat.
This has angered the Alien community, which was hitherto in hiding, which came out in the open to protest, which resulted in mass abductions by booty hunters, zoo keepers, museum managers and bowling alley owners.
The UN in a strong reaction to this bizarre incident has released a stronger press release that said, “HAHAHA, those dumb aliens!!!”

Finally, the weather report was completely replaced with 3 days of non-stop TV commercials, which by the way, is the current craze among the Americans.
Hollywood has stopped producing full-length 2hr movies and instead are releasing movies in 15 second commercials over months on end.

All right, I shall end this mindless babble right now, don’t run, please come back!!


Blogger Omni said...

LOL!! VERY clever post!! :-)

2:16 AM  
Blogger Shawn said...

I can't believe the Onion this week stole your idea!

8:37 PM  

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