Sunday, November 27, 2005

Shoot 'em, Stinky Pigs!

Personal hygiene is something that most people still know nothing of. Their understanding level is turned down to “non-existent” when you try telling them with subtle innuendos. Its like trying to make an oyster understand Quantum Physics.

There are these guys who don’t wash up after a lunch that consist of a whole buffalo deep fried while it was still standing because “It will remove the taste of the food they ate!!”
Aaarrrgh!!! These are the kinds surgeons use sometimes when they run out of Anesthetics.

“Alright Jim, we are ready, you can tell him the joke now” …and…
“….I told you to make it short Jim, you gave him an overdose, Damn!”

Then there are these that have bad body odor that will come before the person arrives. There is this pretty thing in my office who has never heard of a concept called deodorant. On a good day, one can actually see the compost smelling fumes rising from the armpits racing randomly towards unsuspecting nostrils that sometimes induces even epilepsy. My job profile involves a lot of interaction with this person, who although being my sub-ordinate, finds me terribly scared of her. The truth is, I am indeed, but on a scale not many humans can fathom. My alarm indicator is set at, “Yyyeeeeeoooowwww” when our meetings draw close.

The final kinds are the ones that are exceptionally poor at laundry. Shirts and trousers with a whole civilization of advance, healthy, gun-toting microbes with harpoons to throw at passers by to expand their colonies. Sometimes they are bigger than microscopes and actually get down their hosts to do some shopping. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Dept of Defense and Biological Warfare conduct secret raids in their apartments while they are at work, taking spore samples to do researches to find new ways of attacking the enemy. Packing these guys off with their clothes to enemy territory would be a great idea, I say. Alongwith the above mentioned, ofcourse.
Wonder how their houses will be??

“Bob, how come you are washing your underwear, its not Christmas yet?”
“Darth, you see, if it were only the skid marks I would have waited, but there’s a whole colony of bacteria that has started making conversations with me, they even offered to pay rent!”

I urge the Constitution of India to adopt new legislations to make it mandatory for all to strictly follow basic human hygiene so as to not put his fellow being in discomfort.
Also, Guns should be legalized.

P.S: To all those Non-Indians who read this, the above is not a researched piece of evidence generalizing Indians about poor personal hygiene., but only a jestful tirade. Poor personal hygiene is found in sections of every society in every country and will continue to be found as long as every country in this world has citizens with a fully functioning nose on their faces. Visible Boogers are a different story altogether!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Laments Brings Fame and Fortune!

oh the of man's tryst with his woman is as un-sayable/explicable as the missing word in the beginning of this sentence, unless you are in the mood for a (s)word fight in the bedroom.
when every man led a simple life of chips, beer and the TV remote., post marriage, his life turns into a constant mountaineering. gender equality is practised with him washing the dishes, cutting the vegetables, doing the bed and his bank account taking the most number of bills ensuring complete depletion before the 2nd week of every month in turn ensuring no dough is wasted (??) on booze or well, on himself!
there are a million men out there who are silently enduring such brutal assaults on their liberties and one such man who, managed to write down his experience in the form of a blog, has hit it big time with the British media.

an excerpt of this most exceptional narrative: (talking of arguments {with his woman called Margret})

Arguments. There are many arguments we have over arguments. 'Who started argument x', for example, is a old favourite that has not had its vigour dimmed by age nor its edge blunted through use. Another dependable companion is, 'I'm not arguing, I'm just talking - you're arguing,' along with its more stage-struck (in the sense that it relishes an audience - parties, visiting relatives, Parent's Evenings at school, in shops, etc.) sibling, 'Right, so we're going to get into this argument here are we?' An especially frequent argument argument, however, is the result of Margret NOT STICKING TO THE DAMN ARGUMENT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. Margret jack-knifes from argument to argument, jigs direction randomly and erratically like a shoal of Argument Fish being followed by a Truth Shark. It's fearsomely difficult to land a blow because by the time you've let fly with the logic she's not there anymore. A row about vacuuming gets shifted to the cost of a computer upgrade, from there to who got up early with the kids most this week and then to the greater interest rates of German banks via the noisome sexual keenness of some former girlfriend, those-are-hair-scissors-don't-use-them-for-paper and, 'When was the last time you bought me flowers?' all in the space of about seven exchanges. 'Arrrrrrgggh! What are we arguing about? Can you just decide what it is and stick to it?'

Read More at:

the sentence "Margret Jacknifes from argument..." is so biblically profound that you can replace 'Margret' with your choice and see the startlng revelation and the stark similarity of manly woes pervading the planet.

Gone are the days when domestic violence meant a women battered by her man., its the new beginning of the end, more like a male-only apocalypse where, males all over the world are persecuted, domestcaited and are silently enduring harsh realities inside their homes, longing for that beer and friends and dirty jokes, because at some point, at a weaker point, a word was extracted sealing his fate to the chores of gender equality which is sealed tighter if he, at a weaker point, were an accomplice in making babies.
Then suddenly, women start flying all over the place issuing draconian diktats, .......with brooms between their legs!

P.S: Those of you who think this is gender racism, well yes, please help us!

Cultural Creative
















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