Thursday, March 31, 2005

Do unto others what others do unto you... also use a sledgehammer!

There’s this guy who annoys everyone at work with his remarks on butt sizes. To conceal identity, let’s call him ‘Buttman’.
My grandma used to say, “Those who don’t move their asses, end up having oversized ones” He is the living testimony to her theory.

I have friends who, by God’s oversight, were completely bereft of this appendage. When they get up from the couch, they leave something like 2 pugmarks instead of a whole depression. This is very embarrassing, and I have replaced all couches with wooden stools.

As for Buttman, he sits on his chair all day long, so that his freight-truck sized butt can grow bigger and can be seen from space! If he ever jogs, he need those red reflector spots stuck up his wazoo, so fellow joggers behind him will know to keep distance.
Imagine a small face, medium sized body and a humungous ass. Its like what you get when Oldsmobile gang-rapes Mickey mouse!!

Sorry about my flagrant invective., but he dared comment on my normal rear-side!
This is as best space as I can offer in the context., now, got to ensure he reads this and watches his trap next time around.


Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I can swear this didn't happen in Hell!!! Whattasay, boys?? Posted by Hello

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Yoshi’s 'Deep Love'

Japan is a land of eccentric technology addicts. Everything in Japan is scientifically advanced compared to any other part of the world, especially Africa. In Africa, the best use for internet is to send mails to hare brained internet users of the world asking them for parking space in their bank accounts for millions of dollars left by dead weasels.

Back to Japan. They have toilets that have brains to flush out by itself, robots that does the salsa and people that make and use them. Mobile telephony is so advanced that we look like from the stone ages. With such behemoth advancements, one seem to conclude that, perhaps they are a country of nerds and completely lack in any art forms. HAHAHA!!!

Well, apparently not! They write instruction manuals for Sony, Toyota, Panasonic, Mitsubishi etc… and in atleast 6 languages!

Banter aside, Japs have now invented mobile novels! Yes, the bloke who calls himself ‘Yoshi’., started writing on a cell phone site he started in the year 2000, when he probably got sacked by his employer for publicly digging his nose and not using the ‘patented booger-buster – “Boo-Ga-Zooka”’ technology his company invented.
He started writing ‘Deep-Love’ as a serial story, and got the subscribers to pay for it as they read it. And now, he is the Sydney Sheldon of Japan with a fan following that includes robots, among others. His story is so popular, with huge youth appeal, that he ended up making his story into celluloid, which also became a run-away hit! …..and lady luck continued to stalk him to unprecedented celebrity levels, that he now has a TV serial in the pipeline and already owns the ‘manga’ (Jap for comic) version.

The power to keep altering the story line based on reader feedback via instant messaging, is an awesome tool for any author. You may even wonder how much content at one time can one read on a cell phone. As the screens get larger and at any given time about 4 generations ahead of us in terms of mobile technology, along with simple, scrollable java text, a Kurosawa reaps the benefits of tomorrows technology what a Kumaraswamy helped make. If you are not the type that appreciates SMS, then you are the type I shouldn’t be telling this to. The rest of us techno creed, with some inclination toward reading, this is something that we can eagerly wait to hit India, until then, download that stupid ringtone and be happy.

The next time you see a Jap gaping at his/her mobily, you can be sure he’s watching a cartoon version of Deep Love or maybe, he is communicating with the aliens!
Perhaps there are a few things we must learn from the Japs…., you could start by digging your nose for one!!!!!

(to read the news content of Yoshi’s success, click the title)

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Walk the aisle.....

Marriage is lurking around the corner. Sep or Oct around. Strangely, no butterflies in my stomach instead, a serene calm has descended in my life. A storm in waiting??

Perhaps, it’s the sign of good times ahead. With all the ball-breaking, nut-cracking wild indulgences coming to an end, Sundays will no longer be seen in the afternoons with a pounding head, instead, I might be at the grocer’s at 7 am, scratching my butt and yawning like a disoriented nincompoop. I can be precise at guessing the cost for a round trip to London, but I have no clue how much a cauliflower costs?? I will be seriously domesticated, and yet, I have no flashes of trepidation!! Perhaps it’s the culmination of 7 years of courtship that’s depriving me the second thoughts, or maybe because I know her too well to fear a drastic change that might be upsetting.

Having said this, I must add that men the world over, have been more creative in nay saying marriages than have truly appreciated it. Guess it’s the fear of choking out choice that these people remain unmarried. Someone so eloquently once said, “It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying, it's separating himself from all the others.”
8 out of 10 people I know who willfully remain bachelors attribute the above reason, although you can never catch them confessing this. But it’s the mind over ‘matter’ that has no control… if you know what I mean??

To get married is somehow the most confident venture mankind has shown no fear of failure, yet it is the most complicated setup of adjustments between two people to coexist mainly for more often than not, to leave a progeny behind. In between, all is incidental.
I believe in marriages, as billions of successful ancestors have, for a billion flies cant be wrong sitting on shit all day!!!

Monday, March 21, 2005

Bloody Shame!!!!!

I am absolutely outraged with the acquittal of both the prime accused in the Kanishka bombing case, by a Canadian court. Ripudaman Singh Malik and Ajaib Singh Bagri, the prime accused, although not proven guilty, were the only suspects to be tried as the masterminds behind the bombing that killed over 180 people, mostly Indians.

This brings 2 main questions to my mind:
1. If it weren’t them, then who?? And were they held suspects
with not an iota of truth??
2. Can India ever extradite persons that were instrumental in
causing mass loss of Indian lives or damage to Indian Assets

I feel like a weakling with my nationality, when seated powers in my country turn ignorant to such important matters and indulge in petty politics. I mean, just what the hell are they doing calling themselves the elected majority, when the majority of the elected don’t even know if Kanishka is a plane or a place!! How can I expect my country to force its will on another when we have leaders holding important portfolios with an IQ level similar to that of a cow, elected by an electorate with the same bovine intellect.

Compare this:
On May 11, 1960 at 8:05pm, four Mossad agents abducted German citizen Ricardo Klement from a bus stop in Buenos Aires. He was shoved into a waiting car, his hands and feet tied together, and was blindfolded and gagged. The commandos then warned their captive: "If you don't keep still, you'll be shot." Forty five minutes later, they arrived at the safehouse, where they confirmed his identity with WW-2 records as, “Adolf Eichmann” – the mastermind behind Auschwitz and a senior Gestapo colonel.

You might now wonder how the extradition happened. Well, there was no extradtion. The Mossad drugged him and faked papers making him a crew of the Israeli El-Al airlines, and took him to Tel-Aviv direct, with minimal fanfare. When news of his capture was made public by the Israelis to commence prosecution, Argentina was outraged and ordered immediate repatriation. Israeli’s sent them a pineapple and asked them to fuck with it.

Legal proceedings started the same year as the verdict to hang him to death was given – even a choice was given to him between trial or summary execution!! This was the 1st televised courtroom trial and hence the 1st live reality show.
He was subsequently awarded the capital punishment and his ashes thrown in the Mediterranean sea just outside Israeli territorial waters.

Now that’s what I call balls! Nevermind the fact Eichmann was a war criminal and that he was directly or indirectly responsible for over 4mn Jewish deaths. Nevermind the fact that Israel still is an aggressive nation against its perpetrators, and will go any lengths to do unto others what others do unto them. The star of David still is a formidable enemy to those on its wrong sides, and no matter how questionable their actions are, they stand for their own making their own seem above all else.

I am not saying India be as aggressive as the Israelis., but atleast don’t be a joke when you ask other countries to extradite your criminals to be brought to justice, so that the bereaving family of those victims find some solace and the nation as a whole, feel a sense of pride and dignity instilled in them simply by how the country fared in its judiciary and how the other country conceded to our pressure.

So now what happens to the Kanishka case?? Is it closed for want of suspects, since it is already closed for want of proof to indict the captured suspects? Where are our sleuths and where is the respect for the largest democracy of the world?? And above all, where is the justice to those slain onboard that fateful flight??
Is any lawmaker in this country listening???

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Sometimes, the profundity of cartoons amazes me! Posted by Hello

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