Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Happy returns........

It’s the birthday again. As the years pass you by, the candles in the cake staggers up to a point where people eat more melted wax than the cake. Then the excuse for drinking (and getting wasted) unfolds. People gather up with last minute gifts with a determined intent of group drinking, and would expect outrageous quantities of alcohol and fried forms of meat and all that fatty stuff, against the total quantified value of their gifts. Some of the fresh, most active memory cells are burned with this info, and is kept at the most accessible slot in the brain stack, that it flashes from time to time like the Viagra Ads on a theological website. This is how you get what you deserve. This is the cycle of life.

Never mind the tirade above. I don’t belong to the gift mongering claptrap plebeians. Where I belong is, a place in a haze, with lots of like minded patrons of ear-shattering music that becomes inaudible as the contents of the glasses we hold, gets emptied in quick successions whilst indulging in good food and bitching about George Bush. Then we realize the futility talking about the world’s most powerful idiot, and so move on to more productive topics such as, radioactive red raging garden ants with nuclear spittle.

Then we grudgingly pay the cops what his mood demands before getting back home with absolutely no human recollection of driving back. This is the dangerous part, drunken driving can kill, especially when you try to relieve yourself by the strange looking dead tree stump, and 24000 Volts of unbridled raw electricity passes through your most important jewelry, jolting the living daylights of those sleeping brain cells with every atom of your metaphysical state, snuffing up all the power in the neighborhood.
Scary, huh?

Reason why I just stayed home and had an insignificant singular beer fighting infinite urges to grab the car keys and rush out that door of pent up alcoholic emotions.

The storm has passed I have prevailed. Those guys up there in long, flowing white robes, doing mission control on me and you, shot up from their chairs in cheer and gave the ovation.

HAH! What better deserving occasion than this to call for a drink!!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Saudi Slaughterabia

Pakkar Mohd, who runs a small Tea shop in North Kerala, borrowed Rs.30,000 from his friends to send his son – Ittiparambil Shahjahan (married), to Saudi Arabia as a manual laborer for a salary of Rs.12,000 (US$.272 Approx) per month, so that the family of 10, mostly children, could ease from their existing hardship.

Shahjahan, who has never been abroad, bids farewell to his wife and folks with hopes of alleviating the abysmal living conditions his family lived under. He packs off with this little dream and goes to Chennai, to board the flight to Damman.

His agent gives him a pair of trousers and shoes for the flight to freedom. Upon landing at Damman, Saudi Arabia, he is caught by the local police for possession of 550 gms of Brown Sugar concealed in his shoes. Obviously, he had no clue prior to this about the lethal baggage he unwittingly wore. He, in his simple mind, had profusely thanked the agent before leaving India and was truly obliged for the favor his agent rendered.

Meanwhile at home, his family was eager to hear from him, about the flight, about the new place, and of course to be re-assured that all was well.

Shahjahan had no clue what was in store for him. Saudi rules state beheading of those who are involved in Murder, Rape and Drug Trafficking. And without trial.

All attempts to free him by the Indian High Commission in Saudi as well as the Human Rights Commission, failed.

He called his wife for the first and last time, to tells her, “Pray for me, I will be killed in a few hours”
He is executed, beheaded to be precise. Without a free trial or investigation, the primitive shariya law was implemented. An innocent man, brought to an end with the haste of chronic civilizational Deficiency.

If you thought the above was a sordid story I spun, please click on the header to go to the news link.

I am outraged beyond human endurance, and am seething with rage after reading about an innocent man being murdered by a foreign state. What kind of country would award the capital punishment (a very subhuman one at that), without a free trial?? What kind of judiciary do those, inhuman, merciless, savage, radical, rascals follow?

Apparently after the execution, in an intra-govt release, the Saudi authorities agreed that Shahjahan was indeed innocent and was merely a carrier.

What causes a whole nation to malfunction this way?? ..,a whole population to shy away from change and continue to dwell in ancient barbarism??

Saudis have extended their cruelty by not returning the mortal remains of Shahjahan to his badly shaken family in India.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Attack of the yak-yak verbal virus!!!

I have been going through a lot of bad times these days. Bad times are those that deluge your life at the most inappropriate times and keep sticking out more of its friends and cousins in all size and shapes and forms and hues just to ensure you go the whole mile.
To explain, I woke up this Sunday morning (which is very rare) with a clear head (which until now, was thought to be extinct)., with a lot of chores lined up for me to finish.

So off I set out for chore #1, which was, you wouldn’t believe it, getting out of bed without stepping on my sister’s neck.
No actually, my chore # 1 was going to the railway station to book tickets for our family’s Kerala trip to attend my sister’s wedding. So with great difficulty I convinced myself it was going to be fun. After traversing the 4 Kms to the booking office, and after a considerably pleasant drive, killing at least 43 pedestrians, 16 dogs, 8 cows and a cop, all of whom appeared to have been taken by surprise, that this car was not going to stop and this time their luck had run out!

I finally reached the booking office only to find the whole city there in a mad rush to book tickets to all sorts of places, which meant, I would have to wait in line for approximately my great grandson to be formed in the genitals of my grand son.
Yes, I could have asked my travel agent to do this grunt job., but the sleviathan hoogaboogoo (welsh for motherfuckers), turn into money sucking vampires during this season and will hurl all sorts of alternative choices that will lead you to jail for 1st degree murder. So my choice was, either go to jail or bring my car into the booking office.

Chore #2, was to go for my haircut, which I have been putting off for so long that I now resembled a Himalayan dope-smoking, nirvana seeking, mountain dwelling, goat-raping, 275 year old yogi, who was also a sleviathan hoogaboogoo.
At the barbers was no respite either, there were so many much older yogis that looked like they were forcibly pulled out of their graves, with hair like that of a colony of sea anemones, that could be better off burned than trimmed.

Post this came the biggest ordeal via a friend who is a die hard fan of South India’s biggest superstar – Rajnikant, who was threatening to immolate himself (not Rajnikant) if we didn’t oblige to go for the superstar’s latest flick – “Chandramukhi”… we obliged to preserve this piece of work from going up in flames. (Most who are common to us, will know what I mean)

So we went to this theatre in the ‘burbs., where a lot of cattle in the form of human beings come for entertainment. The theatre was on a high voltage frenzy, honestly, I have never seen such mass adulation from such a large number of fans, whose collective intelligence when compared with the door-knob, will make the door-knob look like Einstein.
A Rajni movie here gets a whole battery of people re-charged at the end of it, especially since this one released after a 3 year hiatus, had a multifold increase in dosage, resulting in souped up, turbo charged, radio-active, sleviathan hoogaboogoos.
My friend being one of them, actually gathered up enough courage and the audacity to ask us to pay for the tickets he booked for the movie he threatened us to watch!!!!!

To confess, I have nothing against Rajnikant or his fans., I am personally a great admirer of his movies and have watched a lot of it and even loved some. But since I also confessed right in the beginning that I am going through a really bad time, I don’t want to get beaten up by angry mobs of 'whats-that-welsh-word' for my mindless babble.
I still haven’t transmitted my great-grandson-making genes.

No but seriously, Hail Rajnikant, the undisputed, larger-than-life icon of my most beloved city!!!!!


Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Resolving Kashmir issue.......

Yesterday, I went to this restaurant near my office for lunch., since for some reason, my office lunch rule states, “Shoot the late comers”., I was in a terrible hurry. There’s even a hall of 'game' in our lobby with the heads of victims hanging from the wall looking very surprised, apparently shot from the back while trying to flee. Don’t know what the moose did to be there, though!

So I placed my order and ended up having all the time to solve all the world’s crisis., no not that one, but most of it.

I read an old mag, old because the stains of slammed cockroaches and remnants of some mosquito parts had to be scratched out from entire paragraphs in order to continue reading, and I caught up with an interesting article.

Apparently there was this congregation of actors, directors, musicians and journalists from across the borders meeting up at the Indo-Pak border to exchange pleasantries, and organize shows in both countries to encourage cross-border brotherhood. This program was sponsored, aided and abetted by both govts, and there was frenzy in the air.

I heaved a sigh of relief, cuz a reprieve was born to civilians, who were the usual victims of terrorist attacks in the valley and elsewhere.
Thanks to the discovery of the common enemy.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Monday Morning Blues and Crack

Its Monday morning, weathers gray and the mood blue. Am sitting in front of my computer and gazing at it like a baffled child. My boss walks by and stops by my digs, and I think he said, “Susheel, it’s a beautiful day, why don’t you buy yourself some beer and drive off, of course its all paid!”

“Whoa, thanx very much sir, but if I have a hangover, can I take off tomorrow as well??”

“Why ofcourse, you can take the whole week off and perhaps take a cruise to the Bahamas at my cost, what’d you say??”

“God Almighty Jesus Holy Christ the son of Virgin Mary born in a barn with 3 wise cracks from around the world., are you for real??!!”

“Absolutely amigo, I’ll even throw in some supermodels if you like and book the prez suite aboard the Queen Liz, with all frills attached.., whattasay?”

“You are the genie outta that friggin old lamp in those stories brother, how about some change to blow on the trip, y’know, its kinda expensive out there and you haven’t given me a raise since I caught you pants down with your secy 3 weeks ago..??”

Wishes, hallucinations, dreams, fantasies etc are all by-products of crack.
I Just got one on my head for hearing my boss wrong!!!

Cultural Creative
















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